5 Tips for Parents Sending Their Kids Off To College
- Maureen Eyles
- Jul 21
- 3 min read
Ah, the iconic blue IKEA bag: a college move-in essential. If your house is starting to look like this photo, I’ve been there and I feel for you!
Our firstborn graduated high school in 2020. I channeled all of my emotion and anxiety into dorm room organization, as if it was an Olympic sport. I watched dozens of college-packing preparation videos, downloaded “must-have” checklists, and moved things into Amazon shopping carts for him to approve. He hardly looked at any of it.
How could my son possibly understand why I was so fixated on the details? He was busy with work, trying to spend time with his friends, and just generally trying to get out of my way. I can understand why: I was pretty intense! There was also the anxiety of sending my baby to college during a global pandemic. I had a hard time reconciling the reality of the situation with what I had dreamed of for my son. His experience was different than I expected, but it all ended up working out. It’s amazing how things work out!
Since that first move-in 5 years ago, we have moved our two sons 7 times: 5 dorm rooms, 1 apartment, 1 house, and many roommates! So, with all of that experience under my belt, here I am to share my top 5 tips for parents as you send your kid to college:
Blue IKEA bags: The hype is real. They are durable, packable and portable, and then when they are empty they fold up into a tiny square that can be stashed easily in a tiny dorm closet until they are needed for move out. They also hold up well in storage lockers if you decide to pay for summer storage. Label them before you leave home, and make sure you know which one has the move-in supplies because you’ll want quick and easy access to things like paper towels, Clorox wipes, scissors, trash bags and tools before you unpack everything else.
There’s probably a parents’ Facebook group for your kid’s college, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to join it. For every one helpful parent post, there are a dozen ridiculous parent complaints: “The food is inedible!” “There are bugs in the dorm!” “The professor is terrible!” These posts might play with your emotions while you are already emotional. Your child will learn to eat, buy some bug spray, and advocate for themselves. These are life skills. So, skip the parent Facebook group! Instead, I recommend that you and your child follow Harlan Cohen @harlancohen. He has terrific college advice and affirming point-of-view videos that specifically speak to situations that your college student might find themselves in.
Make it a quick goodbye. Try to set up a call schedule with your child, do your part to stick to it, and save your questions and stories for those calls. It’s hard, but try not to call whenever you miss them. Missing them is a “you” problem. (Of course, emergencies are different!)
You might not realize this, but you won’t see your child’s grades, ever. You may pay the tuition, but academic communication is purely a college-to-student relationship. Some colleges may alert parents if a student is in danger of academic probation, but they usually don’t. They are happy to take your money whether or not your child ever attends a class. It’s up to your student to decide if they want to share their grades with you or not. The only way to see your child’s grades is to use your child’s credentials to literally hack into the dual-factor authentication academic portal, and there’s a reason that colleges make it hard for parents to do that. Don’t be the parent who is waking your child up for their college class or e-mailing a professor to dispute a grade. Let go, and let your child sink or swim academically.
Enjoy the ride! These are the best of times and the worst of times and you’ll be so worried and you’ll be so proud. You’ll develop new traditions, find a new favorite hangout, curse the traffic on I-95, and cry every time you leave them, over and over and over. You’ll be amazed how fast it goes by!
-Maureen Eyles, guest writer and college move-in veteran
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