Staying Grounded and Finding Your Way

I’m often asked some variation of the question, “Which choice will look better for colleges?” (As if the student can then transform themselves into the perfect candidate, vaguely resembling their true self.) Or the infamous, “Is it better to get an B in an AP class or an A in a regular class?” (The very unhelpful answer is, of course, to get an A in an AP class.) I understand why students and parents ask these questions. They are trying to make strategic choices now that will maximize their opportunities later. This is a generally a good thing. But at what cost?

My philosophy is that no grade, class, or decision is worth the sacrifice of a student's health and well-being, no matter what "looks good" to colleges. If students are pushing themselves too hard just because they think it will get them into a certain school, I would ask, what happens next? Is that pace or level of intensity sustainable for another four years and beyond? Is "getting accepted" the end game, or is this process more about self-discovery and learning about self-management for the long term? I would argue that high school (and college) (and life in general) is less about tracking on a perfectly outlined path, and more about accepting that mistakes will happen, and within those missteps are opportunities to learn about oneself and grow. Paying careful attention to find that balance between challenge and overload, and adjusting accordingly, will put the student in the best position to assess "fit" for college and to land at a place that will set them up for long term success. A perfect GPA or an acceptance from a certain college is not the ultimate goal to be pursued at all costs! In fact, there’s an argument that learning how to be a little less “perfect” will pay out in spades in the form of longer-term creativity, positive risk-taking, and overall life enjoyment (for more on this, see this excellent op-ed by psychologist Adam Grant). No single move will make or break your application…what’s more important is what you learn from your experiences and how you tell your story.

My hope is for students to be able to think honestly and critically about what feels right to them, not only about course schedule, but also learning climate and campus culture and personal goals. The sooner they can figure out their optimal study skills, time management techniques, decision making strategies, and self-care routines, the happier they'll be on this journey. Better to sort these things out now, with the close comfort of family in their own homes, than in a brand new environment somewhere far away. And as for the application process itself? Here’s a quote from a recent article by Kelly Corrigan that I couldn’t love more: “If we agree that any one acceptance letter is not the prize, what could the reward be? Developing comfort with uncertainty? Expanding self-knowledge? Building new capacities and a sense of agency? Because that kind of personal growth is not too much to ask of this process. And what a grand outcome that would be.”

To my dear students (and parents) struggling in the thick of this whole thing: I understand the pressure you may be feeling. Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. And give yourself some grace. The right college for you will “see you” as a human who is on your way to finding yourself and defining your path in life.